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Turmoil of an Autism Mom Part 2

My journey with Autism By Megha Batra Jairath

मन – day की बात SpecialSaathi के साथ

Read the Turmoil of an Autism Mom part 1 by Megha batra jairath here…

I have a big problem, I think a lot, and my thoughts usually ponder over these areas related to my daughter Anaisha.

1) The Guilt!

The guilt of where did I go wrong, hounds me. The exact cause of Autism is still unknown, so I question, did it happen during my pregnancy, or was it due to bad parenting. Some people say, autism is caused due to MMR vaccination, some people say it was always there, and kids are born with it. But nothing is proven as of now. But the question is “Why me?” And the guilt is a never-ending one.

Anaisha is 6 years old now and she goes to the best inclusive school and is taking all possible therapies. And now finally when I have started giving some time to myself and planning to join my work full time as well, I wonder, am I giving too much time to myself and ignoring her? Because ideally, I should be doing a lot. But I often lose my focus and waste my energy on things that are just not required. I have lot of mood swings, lot of anxiety attacks, and they do affect Anaisha.


Why can’t she start speaking meaningfully, on her own, miraculously, as every child does! I have been waiting for years for this milestone to be met. Kids with Autism speak as well, but why Anaisha’s speech is not developing?Why her volume is still low? Why do her sensory issues keep on changing? Why do her issues keep coming back? Why do I have to make her practice, practice, and practice? Why can’t she converse with me and recall what happened in school. Everyone says I should keep on talking to her, and I do, but I get sad when I don’t get a response back. And then I lose my patience as well. Why don’t a miracle happens and fix everything alright. Why ?


Anaisha is the busiest of us all, she is the hardest-working person I know. First, she has her 8-hour school and then her 2 to 3 hours of therapy every day. But when her progress stops or goes slow, there is a discussion with her teachers and therapists on what else I can do to improve her. What’s her IEP, the next plan of action? But am I able to follow all the plans? The answer is no! Why do I miss some of the activities some days? I don’t know! Is it possible to do everything every day? I am not sure.


Why do some family members (not all), keep on poking about her speech? Why do they keep comparing her with other kids? Why can’t they just accept what the issue is and work on her instead of passing comments?
But I must admit, if God gave me a problem, it gave me a solution as well. I am blessed to have a support system. My biggest blessings are my immediate family and friends. I am glad that I am not alone in this journey, I have my parent’s support who are always available to help me and teach and take care of Anaisha. Anaisha has got the best teachers and therapists; she is going in the right direction.

Anaisha has got some amazing peers in school. Almost every classmate of Anaisha wants to help her. She has a left and a right hand, always ready to assist her!
Also, by God’s grace, I can at least afford her therapies and her school’s fee. I have seen lot of mothers who had to quit their jobs to take care of their child, but my office always supported me, it gave me flexibility to work part time for years.

With this struggle, I have started appreciating the process of achieving a target, and not just the success of achieving a target. It has given an opportunity to have unique experiences which have added value in my daily life. It has enhanced my problem-solving skills because of my ability to see them through a different perspective. It has helped me develop an ability to turn obstacles into opportunities. It has helped me rediscover myself. It has helped me realize of my innate potential. Anaisha is helping me do my HUMAN REVOLUTION every day.

Some days I wonder that may be its good that she doesn’t speak much, doesn’t demand much. She is such an obedient child (well not always, but most of the times she is!). Am I not lucky to have her? She finds happiness in small little things, not bothered about what world thinks of her, she is just happy in her own small world. And yes, she is the only person who loves me unconditionally. 😉

Sirf wo hi mujhe sachha pyar karti hai, aur mein bhi! 😉

Author Megha Batra Jairath

Megha is a mother of a 6-year-old girl on autism spectrum disorder. Megha is a working professional in an Energy Consulting firm in New Delhi. She has a strong inclination towards dance, which is her therapy for life. In her free time, you will often see her making Instagram reels @megbats2020

Artwork by Dhrov Tikoo

A beautiful creative representation for this blog depicting a bond between a mother with her child is done by a superbly talented CreativeSaathi associate Dhrov Tikoo

One reply on “Turmoil of an Autism Mom Part 2”

Megha it seems like my story being told I guess we all in a way have the same feelings as the struggles are the same love and hugs

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