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SOCIAL SKILLS
(Acceptance and Inclusion- 3 )

SOCIAL SKILLS
(Acceptance and Inclusion- 3 )- by Jaya Sudhakar and Siddhanth Palaparti


Growing up in Mumbai, ‘the melting point of cultures’, Siddhanth was naturally exposed to varied languages, religions, customs and traditions both in our neighbourhood and in his school, therapy centres and sports club. The rich Indian tradition of celebrating festivals contributed immensely to enhancing his social skills and giving him a happy childhood.


Siddhanth was a part of all our building festivities and celebrations along with his friends, be it Holi, Satyanarayan Pooja or the New Year Celebrations. Holi was marked by worshipping the Holika Dahan in the adjoining areas and celebrating with a riot of colours the next day. Right from 8 am in the morning, Siddhanth’s bunch of friends would come to call him. The pichkaris, colours and balloons would always excite the kids. Later on it became a tradition in the building to celebrate the entire day of Holi. Breakfast, lunch and dinner orders were given to caterers. They would be elaborate buffet meals in the courtyard on the ground floor. As all the residents would gather down for breakfast, it used to be lovely to see the glowing faces of many of the senior citizens whose movements were otherwise restrained. They would wholeheartedly bless the children in their warm affectionate ways. Many grownups would join the kids in the fun and frolic with colours and water, indulging the child in them. The evening celebrations would be the best with games like musical chairs, Housie and dumb charades.


Similarly, the annual Satyanarayan Pooja also provided a lovely opportunity for Siddhanth to bond with our neighbours. We would go down and sit for the Pooja and watch with gratitude as Siddhanth’s sitting tolerance increased with advancing age. He loved wearing traditional clothes, listening to the sacred chants and the community dinner that followed. In his teenage years, the dinner gathering in the courtyard of both the Holi festival and the Satyanarayan Pooja provided opportunities for him to regale his audience with Hindi film songs which he played on his Casio. He would enjoy belting out one favourite song after another as the evening progressed.


As these were regular annual celebrations, we observed that over the years, Siddhanth became better accustomed to the social norms and looked forward to them. We did keep in mind his limited attention span in his early years and his sensory challenges. His comfort was of utmost importance to us. We kept gradually increasing the time duration of his participation and we ensured that his skin was well moisturized with coconut oil before playing with colours during Holi festival. We understood and respected his feelings whenever he had reservations about stretching his palm to receive prasad which was sticky in nature.


This blog cannot end without recounting one Holi incident when Siddhanth was in his late teens. It amused my husband and me when Siddhanth asked his father with a big smile if he could borrow the latter’s old T – shirt for playing with colours. We weren’t surprised, Siddhanth’s love for clothes is legendary in our family circles – it was the manner in which he asked for it – very sweetly to circumvent messing any of his own T-shirts, that truly melted our hearts.

Author Jaya Sudhakar

Jaya Sudhakar has done her Masters in Physics and was employed as an Asst.Manager in a PSU. Her son’s diagnosis urged her to seek voluntary retirement from service . She is actively involved with Forum for Autism, Nayi Disha and The Spectrum Autism. Friends,tending to plants, reading, writing, music, movies, travelling and a little bit of spirituality are her perennial energy boosters.

Typing of story in Word and Creative graphics done by CreativeSaathi Siddhanth Palaparti, Jaya’s son

Siddhanth is a budding graphic designer, coder and music lover. He has graduated in computer applications and completed several certificate courses. His work trajectory includes internships, freelancing and voluntary work for social causes. He derives immense happiness from remembering birthdays and wishing everyone for it. Swimming, travelling and playing music on the keyboard are his other passions.

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SOCIAL SKILLS
(Acceptance and Inclusion- 2 )

SOCIAL SKILLS
(Acceptance and Inclusion- 2 )by Jaya Sudhakar and Siddhanth Palaparti


In Mumbai we resided in a 5 – storey building for 17 years. So Siddhanth literally grew up with many of his peers in our neighbourhood. The cosmopolitan surroundings, diverse professional backgrounds of our neighbours and the open-mindedness of Mumbaikars in general, went a long way in providing a conducive atmosphere for Siddhanth to evolve and develop holistically in a very organic way.

Siddhanth was already diagnosed to be in the spectrum when we moved in. We did not give overwhelming importance to it in our interaction with others – neither us nor our neighbours. In the initial years as most of his daily living skills were age-appropriate and as Siddhanth was generally friendly by nature, no one noticed anything amiss. His inherent ability to remember faces and names of people stood him in good stead. As he grew up and gaps between him and his peers started widening in certain areas, we would always respond to general curiosity by referring to the challenges he faced and how we were working towards facilitating him to overcome them. Most of the time we only met with understanding and encouraging words, especially from the senior citizens. Siddhanth’s peers too were eager to include him in their play. There were older children in the group and they were quick to accommodate him , introducing a few structured games in group play as he was comfortable in it. ‘Autism’ as a term was introduced by us to our neighbours only after we were fairly settled and it just happened organically, by speaking about it to a couple of neighbours who showed genuine interest / concern and through them by word of mouth, the other residents too became familiar with the term. Right from the beginning through our association with the parent support group Forum for Autism , Siddhanth too became aware about Autism having participated in many of its awareness walks and sensitization programmes. So, in a way Siddhanth’s self – acceptance of his autism and acceptance of his autism by our neighbours and his peers were going on simultaneously.

The general friendliness and co-operative nature of our building residents provided many opportunities for Siddhanth to socialize. It also helped that my husband loves the company of children . He is so easygoing with them that they instantly take a liking for him. In my last blog I had mentioned about how playing board games, computer games and going to parks with friends enriched Siddhanth’s childhood. Atleast twice a week after his return from office, my husband would take Siddhanth and his friend Karan on his bike to play in parks with interesting play equipment. We soon gained reputation among our building kids as aunty being the go-to person to give them ideas and provide resources for their school projects and uncle being their trusted ally and supporter for indulging them in all their curiosities in exploring the world .

An abiding memory is when the building kids were giving shelter to some stray puppies. One little pup was once unwell and the kids were waiting for my husband to return from office . They had already made enquiries and found out about a veterinarian. So on hearing the earnest joint request to go to the vet, my husband readily obliged. With Siddhanth and another kid riding pillion , there were three other kids with the pup in an auto rickshaw, giving directions to the vet’s clinic. The bemused vet quickly got to work. His medicines and guidance were like a tonic to the worried kids. All was well in the end, with the puppy recovering within a day. I still remember opening the door that evening to my beaming husband and a very excited eight-year old Siddhanth after their visit to the vet. I got a wonderful and enthusiastic narration of the course of events by Siddhanth, probably the best and longest verbal recollection of an incident by him until then.

The mutual love and affection of our family with our building kids was reciprocal. There was this other lovely incident. It was my birthday and my husband had his hands full as the Executive Director was visiting their branch office. It was only in the evening that he could breathe after the visit went well. He bought a small bunch of roses and as he was alighting from his bike in our building premises, he was accosted by three wide – eyed kids. “Aunty ke liye?”, asked one and as he nodded his head, “Aunty ka birthday hai?”, asked another. Within the next five minutes we heard our doorbell ring. The three kids were stretching out a small bouquet hand made by them with whatever flowers they could gather from the plants in the building premises.“Happy birthday aunty”, they wished in chorus with their million dollar smiles.Well, that’s about one of the best birthday wishes I’ve ever received, evergreen in my memory.

Looking back, there were several occasions when we had decided on impromptu outings for Siddhanth with our building kids. As the kids grew up, their tastes also evolved – so there were the parks, the movies, eating -outs and I even remember bundling Siddhanth and a couple of kids in auto rickshaws to take them to view astronomical events (the Venus transit and partial solar eclipses) through a telescope in an Astronomical Society which was in the vicinity .

It’s true that Autism is a lifelong condition and alters our lifestyle in a huge way. Yet, let it not deter us or our children from enjoying the small pleasures of life with people we are comfortable with. We may or may not have a huge social circle , still we can always find ways to be happy by being in the present and embracing the lovely moments which unfold in this blessing called ‘life’. Zindagi jiyo jee bharke 🙂

Author Jaya Sudhakar

Jaya Sudhakar has done her Masters in Physics and was employed as an Asst.Manager in a PSU. Her son’s diagnosis urged her to seek voluntary retirement from service . She is actively involved with Forum for Autism, Nayi Disha and The Spectrum Autism. Friends,tending to plants, reading, writing, music, movies, travelling and a little bit of spirituality are her perennial energy boosters.

Typing of story in Word and Creative graphics done by CreativeSaathi Siddhanth Palaparti, Jaya’s son

Siddhanth is a budding graphic designer, coder and music lover. He has graduated in computer applications and completed several certificate courses. His work trajectory includes internships, freelancing and voluntary work for social causes. He derives immense happiness from remembering birthdays and wishing everyone for it. Swimming, travelling and playing music on the keyboard are his other passions.















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Not only children suffering from autism, their parents also need special care, know why !!

Not only children suffering from autism, their parents also need special care, know why !!

Your special needs journey won’t be the same as anyone else’s, so don’t let anyone in the world tell you what it should look like. ~ Unknown

Parenting a child with autistic behaviour is extremely challenging. So it is important that those taking care of them stay positive and take care of themselves too.
The relationship between a child and a parent is very beautiful. But sometimes children are mentally and physically healthy, but are surrounded by stress from inside. If your child is differently abled or autistic, he may be under severe stress. Also, it can have a negative impact on the mental health of their caregiver or their parents. Let’s explore how you can overcome it.

“The mental and emotional health of the person with autism as well as their caregivers is likely to be severely affected. It becomes very difficult for such parents to manage children’s behaviour, household finances, workplace and household chores at the same time. In the beginning, parents of children suffering from autism have to face a lot of difficulties. But as time passes, they adapt and learn to handle these situations.

Parenting a child with autistic behaviour is fraught with difficulties. But don’t forget that this problem can also turn out to be positive for your family. There is just a need to rise above this limited thinking to see this situation. When there is small progress in the challenges of such children, it brings a smile on the face of the parents. This strengthens the self-confidence of the caregiver of the child. In such a situation, the whole family should act unitedly. With this, the relationship between the family will be strengthened and the child will also be taken care of well. However, while taking care of the baby, it is also very important to take care of your health. If your health deteriorates, then the health of the child can be affected even more badly.

Parents of children suffering from autism may have to face these challenges
physically :

1. Family members of children with autism can have an impact on their mental health as well as their physical health. Parents and caregivers have to face problems like anxiety, depression. In recovering from these problems, their physical health also gets badly affected.Due to being under stress, their immunity becomes weak and the problem of sleeplessness also starts. Because of this, there is difficulty in concentrating on anything and remembering things. At the same time it can cause many more health risks.

2. Emotional Impact:
Dealing with a child with autism can be an emotional roller coaster. Most of the mothers of such children become mentally weak. At the same time, sometimes parents blame themselves that they must have done something like this, only then their child is facing such a situation. At the same time, this society also does not allow parents to remain normal. Parents are further disturbed due to reactions like taunting the child and commenting on the family. Also, the sympathy expressed by people breaks them emotionally instead of giving them courage. Along with this, sometimes the parent or the person taking care of the child has to face embarrassment in the public place due to the behaviour of the child.

3. Financially:
The cost of treatment of a child suffering from autism is very high. Because of this, the families of such children have to go through many financial problems. In many cases, even the insurance plans are not able to cover the cost of treatment and cure. Autism medicines are equally expensive. Many families get into a lot of debt. Which can affect both their mental and physical health.

Parents’ problems can be reduced in these ways –

1. Therapy and Counseling
Caregivers of children with autism can attend counselling sessions with the children. Where they are taught to deal with different types of emotions. Communication with the caregiver will also help bridge the gap. The use of medicines can control depression and anxiety only for a limited period of time. So try to participate in activities like counselling.

2. Be a part of a support group
There are many small groups that teach caregivers how to deal with children with autism. In such a situation, joining these groups will help in eliminating the fear inside and you will be able to accept it completely. At the same time, these groups also try to explain the problem completely.

3. Help and Acceptance is Most Important
Often the family whose children are suffering from some problem, the family members isolate themselves a little socially. If someone shows sympathy in front, they cannot accept it. In such a situation, learn to accept things and ask people for help when needed. This will help you understand the situation better and motivate you to be a better caretaker.

Author Sradhanjali Dasgupta

Consultant Psychologist, Speaker , Learning Developmental Coach, Teacher and trainer Miss. Sradhanjali Dasgupta has been extensively working in the field of Counselling and education for the past few years in several Clinics, Hospitals, NGOs and educational sectors. She also contributes her writings and blogs in various newspapers, magazines and e- magazines Her training and workshops are both for the corporate as well as for the educational sector and are geared up for learning and development,upgradation and capacity building. She have actively taken part in many debates.

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SUBSTITUTE by Jaya Sudhakar and Siddhanth Palaparti

SUBSTITUTE



One of the earliest features one learns about Autism is about the challenges faced by an individual with ASD to accept changes in routine. One also learns that flexibility within a routine helps the individual to gradually accept changes.

When Siddhanth was in the second grade we relocated to a home closer to his inclusive school setup. He started going to school by school bus. I would go to see him off at the designated bus stop. As luck would have it, in that particular year the bus contractor seemed to have his own challenges. So we were subjected to changes in buses every now and then. Route no 6 would be displayed prominently at the front of the bus. But when the bus colour kept changing, from red to yellow to bright green and violet, it didn’t go down well with our little champ. Siddhanth would go teary – eyed to school with me waving to him with a silent prayer in the mind.

The academic year in the 4th grade brought a different set of challenges. This year saw the introduction of separate teachers for different subjects viz art, craft, Hindi and Marathi – until then there was one class teacher teaching all the subjects. Siddhanth didn’t face any difficulty initially. But the real challenge came when the time tables changed suddenly – whenever some teacher was absent and some other teacher would come in her place to teach an altogether different subject. So the word ‘substitute’ was introduced to him by me. I was blatantly ignorant of the fact that the word ‘proxy’ was used in his school.I went by the term used in my school days but his teachers were quick to switch to Siddhanth’s vocabulary whenever the need arose.

Once his Hindi teacher’s mother – in – law was hospitalized. As the elderly lady was advised bed rest for a few days after her impending discharge, the teacher planned to proceed on a fortnight’s leave. So in the next 2 – 3 days she was keen to finish her portion in all the classes. Naturally she did a lot of jugglery and art and craft classes of every section were her first target to swap classes.

So one fine day the Hindi teacher entered the class and first addressed Siddhanth. “Siddhanth,I know it is your craft period.You can choose to go to Deepa Miss in the staff room and do clay modelling with her or else you can choose to sit here and attend Hindi class,” she said. Apparently Siddhanth looked at her straight in the eye and said,“I want to go to Deepa Miss and take the clay and then come back here to this Hindi class.”

So that’s what he ultimately did. He brought the clay from his craft teacher and returned back to class.On that day the Hindi teacher was doing a classroom evaluation of spellings.She would call out students to the blackboard and dictate words for them to write. As spellings were one of Siddhanth’s key strength areas, he had a field day pressing the clay (play dough) with one hand and getting totally involved with the action in class – correcting his classmates from time to time whenever someone made a mistake.“The clay (play dough) that he kept pressing would have given him proprioceptive stimulation and increased his concentration,” observed his school counsellor when we were later discussing this incident in our next monthly meeting.

We were not done with ‘substitute’ yet. In one of the following Sundays my elder sister planned to visit our home. Her son and her neighbour (who is a good friend of both my sister and me) were to accompany her. In the last minute, my nephew backed out as he wasn’t keeping well and the neighbour’s daughter decided to join. She is of Siddhanth’s age and a buddy since his early childhood.

The visit went well with both the kids playing board games as usual. After they left Siddhanth casually told me,“Today Manasa came as a substitute for Anish.” “Well, not exactly,” I protested feebly. “Of course!” came the prompt reply,“Manasa came instead of Anish. She came as a substitute for Anish,” he informed me triumphantly using the same words I had used umpteen times with him.

Well,what could I possibly say? It was a double whammy of a boomerang and checkmate!

Author Jaya Sudhakar

Jaya Sudhakar has done her Masters in Physics and was employed as an Asst.Manager in a PSU. Her son’s diagnosis urged her to seek voluntary retirement from service . She is actively involved with Forum for Autism, Nayi Disha and The Spectrum Autism. Friends,tending to plants, reading, writing, music, movies, travelling and a little bit of spirituality are her perennial energy boosters.

Typing of story in Word and Creative graphics done by CreativeSaathi Siddhanth Palaparti, Jaya’s son

Siddhanth is a budding graphic designer, coder and music lover. He has graduated in computer applications and completed several certificate courses. His work trajectory includes internships, freelancing and voluntary work for social causes. He derives immense happiness from remembering birthdays and wishing everyone for it. Swimming, travelling and playing music on the keyboard are his other passions.

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EVERGREEN MEMORIES – 2 ( The Night Stories)By Jaya Sudhakar and Siddhanth Palaparti

EVERGREEN MEMORIES – 2
( The Night Stories)

EVERGREEN MEMORIES- from the Random Reflections series by Jaya Sudhakar and Siddhanth Palaparti



Siddhanth was diagnosed to be on the spectrum only at age 5. Much before that, maybe in his third year, just prior to entering playschool and even afterwards, he started displaying traits which surprised us but we did not read anything more to it.

I have vivid memories of a New Year Eve party. It was held on the lawns of our Office Quarters. It used to be a much – awaited annual affair as we could get an opportunity to mingle with the families of our colleagues from various branches across Mumbai. Amidst the colours, bright lights, music and chatter,what fascinated Siddhanth the most were the patterns formed by the lights.They were beamed at different places on the walls of the compound and there was a sequence to it.The design formed in each segment was different and all of them were beautiful. Siddhanth kept tracking them and would move across the lawn, correctly judging where the lights would be beamed next. I kept following him like Mary’s little lamb and keeping with the party mood, many of the fellow guests were like ‘WOW’ at his powers of observation and pulling my leg about the free exercise that I was getting.

We had another unforgettable experience around the same period.Siddhanth had learnt to recognize the alphabet and very organically gravitated towards spellings.We happened to be vacationing in Hyderabad where most of my in-laws lived. Whenever he met someone for the first time and came to know his/her name, he would immediately spell it out. One evening there was a power cut and we were sitting with our extended family in the courtyard. The kids were running around and playing. One of Siddhanth’s cousins asked him to spell the number ‘one’ which he did correctly. She went on to ‘2’, ‘3’ and so on, asking him to spell upto number ‘15’ or so and he delightfully spelt all the number names correctly, amidst squeals and peals of laughter from his cousins. It was a game that he was thoroughly enjoying. This was a big surprise and revelation for both my husband and me, as prior to this the number names had neither been taught to him at playschool nor had we ever touched upon it at home. It took me around 3 days to figure out that the source must have been the book of numbers in our Mumbai home. We used to browse through it in a fun way to show him the pictures( indicating the count) and to recognize the numerals. It had never struck me that his attention was also being attracted to the associated number names(spellings)which he was grasping by himself !


In hindsight with more awareness about autism and after being familiar with terms like ‘pattern recognition’ and ‘hyperlexia’, one could relate them to these incidents. Needless to say, every neurodivergent child or individual has many unique perspectives to share. It is for us to be more and more open and receptive to their thinking to discover and get enthralled by the myriad colours of life that they have to offer.

Author Jaya Sudhakar

Jaya Sudhakar has done her Masters in Physics and was employed as an Asst.Manager in a PSU. Her son’s diagnosis urged her to seek voluntary retirement from service . She is actively involved with Forum for Autism, Nayi Disha and The Spectrum Autism. Friends,tending to plants, reading, writing, music, movies, travelling and a little bit of spirituality are her perennial energy boosters.

Typing of story in Word and Creative graphics done by CreativeSaathi Siddhanth Palaparti, Jaya’s son


Siddhanth is a budding graphic designer, coder and music lover. He has graduated in computer applications and completed several certificate courses. His work trajectory includes internships, freelancing and voluntary work for social causes. He derives immense happiness from remembering birthdays and wishing everyone for it. Swimming, travelling and playing music on the keyboard are his other passions.